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Every Time I Eat Vegetables (Smeg Remix) by Attila the Stockbroker and Smegasurus

by Attila the Stockbroker

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Smeg is a unique underground music genre, born in New York City in 2002 but kept under wraps for years and only now unleashed on the listening public. Gungier than grunge, dirtier than grime, smellier than garage, it's also known as filthy house or toilet. Here is its very first incarnation, the smeg remix of one of my earliest poems, 'Every Time I Eat Vegetables' by NYC pioneer Smegasaurus.



No agony, no ecstacy, no pleasure and no pain –
So exquisitely uninteresting you drive your wife insane
The TV is your oracle, the newspapers your guide
And your shiny little vehicle is your passion and your pride
You’ve done the same thing every day for nigh on twenty years
And in your ludicrous routines you hide your worthless fears
On the blandest boat in Boredom you are captain of the crew
And every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you.

You died the day that you were born and now you sit and rot –
A three piece suited dinsoaur in the pond that time forgot
Your image is respectable, there’s nothing underneath
And the whole thing is as surely false as nine tenths of your teeth
Your views are carbon copies of the rubbish that you read
And you swallow every morsel Rupert Murdoch seeks to feed
You go to bed at ten because you’ve nothing else to do
And every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you.

You’re a cabbage in a pickle and your brain has sprung a leek
So lettuce keep our distance ‘cos I vomit when you speak
I’ll always do a runner so I’m going where you’ve bean
‘Cos to see you chills my marrow and turns my tomatoes green
You’re an eighteen carrot cretin with a dandelion whine –
So stick to your herbaceous border and I’ll stick to mine
And although this verse is corny, it’s amaizing but it’s true
That every time I eat vegetables it makes me think of you!


released November 1, 2021
Lyrics & vocals: Attila
Noises: Smegasaurus


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Attila the Stockbroker Southwick, UK

Attila the Stockbroker. 40 years of hard hitting social surrealist spoken word and punk rock tinged with early music. 8 books of poetry, autobiography, 40 CDs/LPs, 3500 gigs in 24 countries...a long life earning his living doing what he loves. 'Heart on my Sleeve', a 40th anniversary LP is just out, and his Collected Works will be published by Cherry Red Books later this year. ... more

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